Today's song was a little tougher. Instead of the hour or so I gave myself for the past couple of days, it's been about a four hour song. Today was big judgment, a tough one. I have to keep telling myself that I'm not trying to write good songs, that I need to reserve judgment and taste for later, once I can record them, compile them, listen, and start picking out sections that I like, chord changes I want to play with. It's definitely work, not that I didn't think it was before, but now that I have some ability to actually sit down and focus on something for more than five seconds, I am beginning to see how it's possible to work at something.
This is the point at which I really want to give up and say that I'm a crap songwriter and never touch a piano or pen again. And maybe some people are instant perfection ( why oh why aren't I instant perfection? Why do I have to live under this burden of needing to be instantly perfect), but maybe I'm one of those people who has to write a hundred crappy songs to even get close to one half decent one.
It's so hard for me to fail, and learning to scavenge out sections of the failure that could become some sort of success or possibility is such a painful idea for me to face. I'm so used to such intense failure that I wouldn't even be able to come face to face with success and see it, or understand what was happening.
All I know, is something is cracking and snapping a bit inside, shifting. Creating is a good passtime.
Song #3
G-Bm-F#m-G
There are no marigolds
on the rooftop
I climbed out the window
to watch the sunrise
after a night full of tears
D-C-Bm-A
A cut clear through the 15th
chamber of my heart
D-G-A-Bm
Don't you pretend to know me still
I'm not some quiet girl
waiting to forget herself
in the waves I've tasted salt
become so pure
G-Bm-F#m-G
In my bed I'd forgiven sleep
she stayed up long past
when I should've been dreaming
and she twists my thoughts
so I can't understand
the layers of breathing
D-C-Bm-A
A cut clear through the 15th
chamber of my heart
D-G-A-Bm
Don't you pretend to know me still
I'm not some quiet girl
waiting to forget herself
in the waves I've tasted salt
become so pure
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1 comment:
This tough song is beautiful - I think it might be my favourite so far. You are really finding something in the images - each one goes a bit deeper, and I think, more magical.
Don't know if this makes sense - writing about how a song makes me feel in the moment, on paper, is sorta like . . . writing about . . . oh any one of those very hard things to write about.
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