first of first of something, I suppose

I accidentally erased my first post. I tend to erase a lot of things. My internal editor is always at work. Too bad my writing one never comes out to play. Stream of consciousness it too rigid a word for how I write- and at the same time, too lose. I do select, but I never go back to the same piece again. It seems so gone once something is out of me. The repitition of theater non-workable in my writing life. I feel as though I'm supposed to introduce myself, talking to nobody as I am I see no point. What is my point in starting this up? To write with the sensation that it is being read, whether or not htis is the case? To try and remove myself from the everyday isolation of being unemployed, not in school, and living with my parents again? More like to revel in this nothing-to-do-ness. I will not edit here. Journal, work-posting, whatever I feel like at the moment. Sleep for now, though.